We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize