I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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