Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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