I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
