I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
