is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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