I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
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just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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