what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
