So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
