He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
