??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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