Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
