I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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