Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
