How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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