just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
