I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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