How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
