guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize