I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
