i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
