just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
