very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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