my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
