Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize