I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
