your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's always time for handjobs
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Randomize
