I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
