my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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