actually, I'm a sock model
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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