Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
