He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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