Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
