FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I love you. Go after that dick
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
