I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just gargled with NyQuil
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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