i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
