It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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