I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
