WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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