yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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