Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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