Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!

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(845): View more from New York

They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.

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(314): View more from Missouri

i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.

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These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Read it at the TFLN blog
(858): View more from California

Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?

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(979): View more from Texas

Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.

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(813): View more from Florida

I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes

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