my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
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You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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