And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
