google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He's a Shit stain on my heart
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.