I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.