I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina