Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.

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  (207): it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck. http://tfl.nu/q2n8
  Replies (80) Good night (985) Bad night (5968)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.

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  (425): my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me. http://tfl.nu/ks5k
  Replies (22) Good night (907) Bad night (5608)
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  (559): View more from California

  my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.

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  (559): my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment. http://tfl.nu/sp0b
  Replies (20) Good night (3902) Bad night (949)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there

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  (540): Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there http://tfl.nu/4j17
  Replies (7) Good night (3680) Bad night (1092)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country

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  (304): She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country http://tfl.nu/39z8
  Replies (16) Good night (4959) Bad night (994)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.

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  (647): The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus. http://tfl.nu/lyxj
  Replies (6) Good night (675) Bad night (1625)
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  (805): View more from California

  So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka

  (1-805): View more from California

  Sweet. Did I win?

  (805): View more from California

  Youre hungover arent you?

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  (805): So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka (1-805): Sweet. Did I win? (805): Youre hungover arent you? http://tfl.nu/l89i
  Replies (4) Good night (2947) Bad night (629)
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  (619): View more from California

  Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands

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  (619): Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands http://tfl.nu/hu3j
  Replies (11) Good night (512) Bad night (1125)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.

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  (202): We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy. http://tfl.nu/mfv7
  Replies (9) Good night (1587) Bad night (707)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?

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  (808): wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke? http://tfl.nu/hs3o
  Replies (2) Good night (573) Bad night (645)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have

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  (312): The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have http://tfl.nu/kcpe
  Replies (3) Good night (780) Bad night (563)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand

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  (403): Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand http://tfl.nu/zc4q
  Replies (1) Good night (743) Bad night (370)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"

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  (503): But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!" http://tfl.nu/pacv
  Replies (0) Good night (1013) Bad night (392)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere

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  (253): First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere http://tfl.nu/66bl
  Replies (0) Good night (717) Bad night (396)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.

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  (775): He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it. http://tfl.nu/n8a8
  Replies (2) Good night (601) Bad night (294)

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