The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?