The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
