I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
