Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
