Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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