did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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