I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
