it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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