We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
