i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
smell my finger.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
