We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
is this the sara with the beer cane?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
