And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
