Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
