all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
