hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
