So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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