So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
