You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
