sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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