ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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