This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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