I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you traded sex for a burrito?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
