We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
